Edward never loved me. With age’s perspective, I accept I was his Asian fetish doll, replaced by another.The clothes, jewelry, perfume; his guiding and applying makeup, painting my nails, combing my hair, his sexual transforming me were his playing with his Asian doll. He loved his doll, the doll he created and played with. That was his infatuation, not me. In all honesty, he never said he loved me. Why did I think he did? Because I loved being his Asian doll.He did change me. With the putty of my poor background, low self-esteem; my naivety, he re-constructed me into his fantasy. The clothes, jewelry, makeup, Porsche, trips to San Francisco; his Stanford internship, knowledge of anatomy, sex games, charm, intelligence, attention, swayed me because I wanted to be what he created, even if I was only his sex doll. I became addicted by his transformation, over and over seeking the initial rush of crossing his threshold.I was awed by Edward’s sophistication but know now it was only his. ” I told her. “It won’t be easy at first, but I’ll get over it.”“You’re sure?” She questioned me.“Totally.”Tina crawled over to me and gave me a warm kiss. “You won’t be sorry. I promise. We’re going to have more fun than you can ever imagine. This is just a hurdle we need to get over before we can be free to explore an exciting life together.It wasn’t until we were gathering up our picnic things and walking them to her car that Tina asked me, “Do you know what, other than money, is the death of most relationships—marriages even?”“Boredom, jealousy, and cheating.” I answered after thinking about it for only a few seconds.“Bingo!” She said. “And the great part is; we’re not going to have to worry about any of those things. We’re going to be above ... way above those things.”When I showed up at Tina’s home at eleven on Saturday, the VW was already in the driveway, but there was another small car there too, a silver Honda that I didn’t recognize. I naturally assumed it belonged to.
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